Welcome to clown world, population: everyone. DOGE just uncovered $330 million in “small business loans” given to kids under 11—one was 9 months old. Pam Bondi says prosecutions are coming. Trump signed an executive order requiring proof of citizenship to vote and cutting off mail-in ballots after Election Day—cue Marc Elias crying lawsuit. Meanwhile, Russia and Ukraine agreed to a Black Sea ceasefire, Michigan’s SoS Jocelyn Benson got caught with over 35,000 altered voter histories, and American consumers are losing confidence fast. A Michigan school just voted to ditch made-up pronouns while still letting boys into girls’ bathrooms. HHS launched a tool to check for chemicals in your food (you won’t like what you find), World Athletics is going genetic to save women’s sports, and voter fraud in Detroit is officially being aired out in Congress.

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